Tenchi Universe (1995)
A strange teenage boy named Tenchi Masaki suddenly finds himself caught up in a love triangle between a rough-and-tumble space pirate named Ryoko and a beautiful, but sometimes bratty, alien princess named Ayeka. I say that Tenchi is "strange" because an average, heterosexual teenage boy would have let both girls have their way with him, and then some, rather than constantly rebuff both of their advances. Anyway, pretty soon Tenchi's house gets filled up with a number of other stranded guests from outer space, including Mihoshi and Kyone, officers with the Galaxy Police; Sasame, Ayeka's little sister; and Washu, the self-proclaimed most brilliant scientist in the Universe.
I was first exposed to this show way back in 2000, the summer before I went to college. Cartoon Network had just started an afternoon cartoon block called "Toonami", which featured several anime brought over from Japan, including such shows as Mobile Suit Gundam, the Tenchi series, and Big O (go ahead, make the joke... it's right there, like a dying deer, ready for the mercy killing...).
I used to be devoted to making sure I caught Toonami everyday. For the longest time, I had always wanted to watch more anime, but it was hard to find back in my small town middle school/high school days, especially on television. The only anime I could ever watch, I'd have to either rent (which was just as scarce), or buy, which was expensive as hell. Added to that, I never knew what to watch, and trust me - anime is *not* a genre you want to take a shot in the dark in. No sir. That's how an innocent, curious soul, such as myself, accidentally gets exposed to hentai, aka, demon-tentacle-rape porn. Yikes. Now that certainly blew my teenage mind, especially considering that my teenage mind was already over-saturated in sex (too bad I couldn't say the same thing for my teenage penis). I was so horny back then, even the stucco designs on my bedroom ceiling began looking like boobs and vaginas.
Whoa. Totally went off topic there.
Anyway, at that time I began watching a curious little show called Tenchi Muyo. I'm not sure what drew me to the show beyond my initial curiosity of all things anime. However, what made me continue watching the show, despite the fact that at no point did I fully comprehend what the hell was happening, was the variety of strange, but likable characters in the show. Also, the show had a great sense of humor that appealed to me, especially the concept of someone as haplessly average as Tenchi somehow accidentally attracting not only one, but two gorgeous (well, by anime standards), not to mention super powerful, intergalactic ladies, who have incredibly destructive battles with each other as they vie for Tenchi's non-existent affections. Really, the opening of Tenchi Universe says it all (which is, by the way, one of my favorite anime openings of all time - the song is just so damned catchy!):
Another aspect of the show that I liked, especially at the time, was the concept of this eclectic bunch of people, all sharing a house by the lake, and just... hanging out. I mean, they would have their crazy misadventures, usually initiated by one of Washu's inventions going wonky, or one of Ryoko's schemes of stealing Tenchi out of Ayeka's nose going horribly wrong; plus, they would inevitably end up facing a galactic menace by the end of the series. Still, in between these misadventures, these strange characters would mostly watch TV, do chores, or just nap around the house. It was an odd change of pace from the usual anime I had seen by then, which was almost always unrelentingly super violent (and, er, tentacle rapey). I found myself strangely fascinated.
So, when I saw we had the whole series at work, I just had to check it out, for old time's sake, and see if it still measured up. The answer?
Meh.
The animation is pretty dated - not Hannah Barbara, god awful dated, but by the usual excellence expected of anime, it's pretty friggin' dated. It's still really well done, though, and the characters still look great. I found myself watching the English dubbed version more often than not (blasphemy!) because that was the version of the show I remembered, and actually, the dubbing isn't that bad. It has it's moments of being irritating, but I've heard worse. The story is just as laconic as I remembered - almost irritably so. I found myself bored, wanting the characters to do something besides fight about Tenchi all the time. Even the climax at the end of the series, which I had seen way back, just didn't measure up now. What it ultimately comes down to is that I've seen better anime now. Cowboy Bebop; Wolf's Rain; Death Note; Paranoia Agent - the list goes on and on, in terms of anime series that just have more going on than Tenchi Universe.
I'll tell you what Tenchi Universe has that those shows DON'T however - WASHUUUUU!!!!
I fucking love this character. I've always had a soft spot for eccentric genius characters, and this one is certainly one-of-a-kind. Washu is a scientist who is several hundred years old, although she resides in a twelve-year-old body (by her own preference). She's incredibly arrogant, vain, impulsive, whimsical, and kind of a badass if you try to mess with her. She keeps her lab under Tenchi's stairs in sort of a TARDIS-like, transdimensional warpzone, wherein the space under the stairs is vastly larger than it should be. In a more straightforward explanation - if you were to walk into the broom closet under Tenchi's stairs, you would suddenly, inexplicably find yourself in Washu's gigantimous laboratory. Anyway, although my opinion of Tenchi Universe may have changed over the years, my love for Washu certainly didn't falter!
Verdict: S'alright
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (2009)
Terence McDonaugh is a drug-addled, criminally insane lunatic who lives in post-Katrina New Orleans and, wouldn't you know it, happens to be a cop. As if sensing the opportunity to go over-the-top with such a role, like nobody else can, this movie stars none other than the one, the only: Nicolas "Not the bees" Cage.
I sat down to watch this movie, fully expecting it to be a total turkey, and had my mind blown sky high when I saw who the director was - Werner Herzog. Werner Herzog???? The Werner Herzog? What. The. Fuck. In case you don't know, Werner Herzog is a world famous German director who was about the only man on Earth that was able to work with the world infamous actor, Klaus Kinski. The two of them collaborated on a couple of classics, among which are Aguirre: The Wrath of God (1971), Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979), and Fitzcarraldo (1982), all fantastic movies. Herzog has only recently attained a modest foothold in American film with his documentary Grizzly Man (2005), which has been shown on TV several times, and the 2006 critical hit, Rescue Dawn, starring another famously difficult actor, Christian Bale. While Herzog is certainly not a household name, his work is required viewing for film schools. So, imagine my shock and awe when I saw that he directed a Nic Cage movie with as stupid a name as Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans. I guess they didn't want people to think this was a complete remake of the original Bad Lieutenant (1992), starring Harvey Kietel.
I haven't seen the original, but I imagine that Nic Cage's uniquely manic performance, paired with the location of New Orleans, probably makes it unrecognizable to Kietel's movie. Yes, by the way, Cage is totally unleashed in this movie, but in this film, it makes sense. His character is totally out-of-control, and kind of deranged, which fits Cage's style perfectly. Cage successfully injects a devilish charm into the cunning, ruthless character of Terrence McDonaugh. There are several scenes that are... out there... to be sure, among which is the scene in which Terrence rapes a guy's girlfriend in the parking lot, and forces him to watch at gunpoint. Still, this movie isn't bad - from the moment I saw the tracking shot of a snake swimming through a flooded jail (completely symbolizing Terrence's character, and how he slithers through New Orleans), I knew I was probably in good hands. The movie isn't as good as Rescue Dawn, but it's decent.
Verdict: S'alright
Empire (2002)
John Leguizamo stars as a Latino who gets fucked over by a white man. That never happens! Actually, he plays a drug dealer named Victor Rosa, who manages to make a comfortable living in the hood, until he meets a Wall Street hotshot named Jack (Peter Sarsgaard), who convinces him to quit the life of street crime, and upgrade to the life of real crime - Wall Street!
Yeah, I know, why has it taken me so long to see this movie??? I haven't seen the Godfather movies, The Exorcist, barely a Woody Allen flick, and now this?? I bet you're already thinking, "What's next? Is he going to say he still hasn't seen Cocoon: The Return?" Short answer: no, I haven't.
Enough with the jokings. I've always been a fan of Leguizamo's one man shows, especially his masterpiece, Freak. Seriously, if you haven't seen this, find it. Now. It's one of the most hilarious things on the planet. It was also a serious influence in what made me want to be a stand-up comic. Sure, Leguizamo isn't a stand-up comic, per say, but he did a hell of a job with Freak.
I loved this show so much, I found myself catching any movie Leguizamo appeared in from then on out, because I almost felt like I knew the guy. I even got to see his one man show live, and meet him afterward (which is certainly up there in the Top 10 Best Things That I Ever Experienced). However, devoted as I may be, the guy makes a lot of movies, some of them... not the greatest films in the world (which even he would admit to). Most of the others, though, are not bad at all - which is exactly where I'd put Empire. It's a predictable, derivative crime drama, about how impossible it is to escape the life of crime. We've seen it all before, in much better movies, but nevertheless, the movie gives just enough effort to be at least entertaining, and Leguizamo's performance is earnest.
By the movie's end, though, I just shrugged, said it was "alright", and was content never to watch it again.
Verdict: S'alright
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